alleged fiction

"maybe if i forced myself to smile.. maybe i'll learn to do it all the time.. maybe then it would all be alright"

flicked it off my frnd's stays msg..

umm.. im gonna try.. maybe i can.. most probably i cant.. im gonna try..

hmm lets see..

thanx.. for lissnin.. bye

why is it that you feel more lonely when at home in front of your friends than you do thinkin about them whilst away. why is it that you feel sad waiting for them to answer you more than you do away, with no contact what so ever. why is it that you even try.  dont you know better already? why is it that you end up writin stuff up here where every1 who doesn need to read it does.

maan.. i din used to feel sorry for me ever b4 .. now cant stop it.. juz leave me alone.. lost cause now.. cant go about a day without muttering i wanna die..

last night had a wierd dream..  was in some store..  buyin sum stuff.. with mum besides me.. mum and the shop owner got in sum arguement dunno wat abt tho.. but they suddenly stopped.. and started staring at me.. apparently worried.. o.0

n den a warm sensation over mah lips..n in mah mouth.. wow that was a lotta blood.. lol.. the store owner going inside the bathroom trying to lock the door. n mah mom holding on to the door.. keepin it from being shut yelling" do sumthing..u better do sumn" rofl.. funny site.. datz ven i woke up..

2nd weekend of january.. guess i wont be forgetting this 1 netime soon..never felt so alone..cant laugh abt it this time tho..uh thot id revel in it.. had loads of free time.. too much actually.. after days.. felt that stabbing feeling again.. made me yell out the silent way i used to.. til tears came out .. lol.. yea.. i cry ..hehe.. n to think i cudn laugh abt it XD..

not a single day has passed ven i hafn said i wanna die.. n den smile abt it.. im pathetic sheesh.. rantin here.. lol..

was juz thinkin.. finally know the happiest memory of my life..

hehe.. back ven i was needed.. iss all good.. im glad they haf ppl..

used to run to a cyber cafe from dad's office n from der back home.. cudn wait to come online..
halo O:-)
this used to be my hello few months back..
ola :O
this was me surprised..
i used heehee than a hehe..
:D
this was my smile
i made ppl laugh.. or atleast made ppl smile..
the mysterious ever happy chibi with a wierd calmin aura..
content..with a smile on the face that no1 saw..
i was content
i was numb..
but i was content.
wish i had stayed that way..
hi^^
O_O
hehe
^_^
after i opened up..
im not special.. but people have a way of makin u feel like u r sum1..
i wasn worth nething.. but ppl said i made a difference.. heh.. its funny..its...nevermind
i was okies ven i din 'want' nethin.. id becum so selfish..so nosy
i was better ven i nu i had nuthin.. id becum so insecure..
thot y not lets be happy...
thot i really did made a  difference..
believed i mattered
thot i cud really love .. it was all just an illusion.. now broken..
sumtimes ven u say sum1 hates u without actually knowing so.. its bcuz u hate em urself.. ,its sad,.. but same goes for love.
u wud never no how much.. -sigh- nevermind
im dead now.. numb..killed in action finally..err..again lol
still haf them moments.. but they'll pass.. heehee..
never again..
i love pain...but sumtimes it juz hurts..
ola :O u din hear me day that :P

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping
 

I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me

-sigh-
heh heh.. maybe sumday id sing this..

im old -_-;

ZODIAC SIGN DETAILS
Libra (September 24 - October 23)
Born on 12 October 1987
Age 20 years 28 days
You have lived 7,333 days!
(Warning: Your system date must be set to the current date)

Symbol: The Balance
Ruling Planet: Venus
Air - Cardinal - Positive
Day Forces - Masculine
Growth Phase: Marriage
Secret Motivation: "I Balance"

LIBRA IN A NUTSHELL
The sign of the Judge, the Ambassador

Personality: Diplomatic, charming, easygoing, balanced, indecisive, detached, fair-minded, alert, changeable, artful.

Positive Qualities: Refined and graceful, just and balanced, diplomatic, charming, intelligent, alert.

Negative Qualities: Easygoing, sometimes lazy, indecisive, selfish and changeable, vacillating, detached, insincere.

PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER
The judge, the law. A creative mind. Pride in relationship. In love with love. Powerful friends and social ties. Poised, hesitant, emotionally a tight-rope walker! Indecisive. Glosses over life's ugly sides. The prettiest sign. Compassion or pity for the loser. The easiest way is the best way. Aesthetically inclined. Very dainty, delicate. The restorer of equilibrium. Wants peace at any price. Clinging.

KARMIC MISSION
To lead - in a mental, aggressive, dynamic and idealistic manner.

ENERGY PATTERN
Each of the 12 Signs of the Zodiac represents specific energy patterns, or modes of expression. They act as modifiers of the elements with which they are associated, be it a Planet or a House. Libra is balance, harmony, and love of beauty seeking self-completion.

INFLUENCE OF THE PLANET
Those born under Taurus and Libra are the Venus type. You are attractive and beautiful, gentle, friendly and diplomatic. You have expressive eyes, usually dark in color. You also have a small mouth, pouting lips and a curvaceous body. The women are slightly heavy at their hips. You have sloping shoulders, perhaps, because of the way you carry yourself. Proud and self-conscious, you are aware of your charm. You are artistic in your outlook, dress tastefully and are fond of perfumes. You are opportunists and always at the right place.

DECAN INSIGHT
Each zodiac sign extends across 30 degree of the Zodiac. These can be further subdivided into three decans of 10 degree each. Therefore, though all those born under a particular sign are classified under the same sign, the decans yield further insight into your total personality.
You belong to the Second Decan of Libra (October 4 - October 13).
Your ruler is Saturn and Uranus. You are an unpredictable but strong person, full of magnetism. You are a great champion of a new order, with striking powers and the ability and insight that you possess take you very far.

AS A FRIEND
You are often quite detached, though not cold. You are excellent company, can be a good friend but don't like to get too involved. Your advice is well-meaning, balanced and always useful even when you don't give your heart. You have finesse and grace, smoothening all human relationships beautifully

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER SIGNS

Ideal Association (5-9 Sun Sign Pattern): Gemini and Aquarius
Not always, but surprisingly often, the extraordinary magnetism of 5-9 Sun sign attraction leads to easy sympathy, mental stimulation, emotional affinity, romantic fulfillment. There will be a strong sympathy between you and misunderstandings will not be severe or lasting. The chances for harmony are excellent, and a happy relationship on a permanent basis is more effortlessly achieved than with any other sign - be it friendship, business, family or love relationships. Hostile placement of planets between the two horoscopes will cause some personality clashes and tensions - causing the compatibility to rock from time to time - although the basic empathy and understanding will always remain. If the planets are in harmoni

Compassionate Association (2-12 Sun Sign Pattern): Scorpio
In your association with this individual, one of you will feel that he or she has many lessons to learn from the other. The one who has lessons to teach will feel an inexplicable compassion for the weaknesses and mistakes of the other person, strangely understanding the other's markedly different motives and behavior

Favorable Association (3-11 Sun Sign Pattern): Leo and Sagittarius
You will feel a strong tie of friendship, whatever the association you share with these individuals. Mutual trust and ease of communication mark the relationship. In spite of strong differences, you connect closely with each other. A sense of responsibility and some sort of inescapable duty will bring you together. You will constantly stimulate each other into changing habits and existing situations. Any quarrels will usually be quickly resolved, forgiven and forgotten. Even when the association seems to be a closed chapter, it reappears months or years later, to be resumed once more.

Beneficial Association (6-8 Sun Sign Pattern): Taurus and Pisces
There will be some problem in communication. Yet you will be powerfully drawn into each other. Irresistible sexual attraction in case of a love relationship. In case of friendship, business or family ties, attraction through some shared interest. Urge for mutual help. Service given will always be repaid. In some way, a great benefit will come from one to the other through the relationship, and the one who serves will usually remain loyal.

Reflective Association (1-1 Sun Sign Pattern): Libra
You will each be tempted to magnify your own virtues and failings. All the positive character traits will be intensified - as will the negative traits. A constant effort should be made to encourage in one another the positive qualities of the zodiac sign you both share and to discourage the negative ones

Unfavorable Association (4-10 Sun Sign Pattern): Cancer and Capricorn
Not always, but surprisingly often, you will feel a noticeable tension or conflict of personality in the presence of these individuals. One of you may grow restless because of the strict disciplinary attempts of the other. For various reasons, there will always be some mental and emotional restriction.

YOUR LUCKY ELEMENTS
Take a quick look at what is lucky for you.

Birth Stone: Jasper
Lucky Gems: Sapphire and Turquoise
Lucky Colors: Blue and Green (light airy shades)
Lucky Numbers: 6, 15, 24, 33, 42, 51, 60 (the 6 series)
Lucky Talisman: No Suggestion
Lucky Herbs and Flowers: Daisy Orchids, Poppy, Rose and Ground Ivy
Lucky Day: Friday

FAMOUS PERSONALITIES
Following are some of the famous personalities who were born under your zodiac sign.

1. Jack Anderson
2. Jimmy Carter
3. Mahatma Gandhi
4. George King
5. Arthur Miller
6. Eleanor Roosevelt
7. Oscar Wilde
8. Margaret Whitney
9. Charles Brown
10. Emily Post
11. Naruto

LIBRA LOVE MYSTERY
You are one of the great lovers of the Zodiac. Libran is made for love, but frets at the shackles of matrimony and responsibility. You can never live alone and pine for the one you love. Your tremendous charm attracts people around you. This may sometimes create great quarrels and arguments, but you more than hold your own. Your attitude to sex is warm and positive, even willing to innovate and experiment. If carried too far, it can make you unreliable and unstable and your sincerity and intentions can be considered doubtful. Your marriage partner may feel threatened and jealous.